WELLNESS EDIT | No. 37 |
You know what you want to change, so why do you keep finding yourself doing the same thing? These three questions can help you look more closely at what is driving the behavior and what may be keeping it in place.
Most habits do not happen for no reason. We reach for something sweet when we are tired, pour a glass of wine to switch off, skip the walk when we are depleted, or stay up later than we intended because we do not want the day to end. In the moment, the behavior usually gives us something.
That is why simply deciding to stop is not always enough. Before you focus on changing the behavior, it can help to understand what is happening around it, what you are getting from it, and what continuing the pattern may be costing you.
1. What keeps pulling you back to this habit?
Start by looking at when the behavior happens.
What is usually going on just before it? Are you tired, stressed, bored, hungry or looking for a way to switch off? Is there a particular time of day or situation when you are more likely to do it?
Then ask yourself what the habit gives you in that moment. Does it make you feel calmer? Give you relief? Distract you from something? Help you avoid something you do not feel like doing?
Now look at what happens afterwards. Do you feel better, worse or simply back where you started?
Then step back and ask the bigger question: What is this pattern giving me, and what is it costing me?
Looking at both sides can help you understand why the habit is difficult to change and whether the short-term benefit is worth the longer-term cost.
That answer may tell you more than another promise to try harder.
2. Why do you want this change?
Sometimes the reason is obvious: you feel sluggish, uncomfortable, frustrated with yourself or simply tired of repeating the same pattern.
But look a little deeper. What does making this change represent to you?
More control? More confidence? Feeling attractive again? Being able to trust yourself to follow through? Feeling more like the person you think of yourself as?
Then be equally honest about the reasons you may want things to stay exactly as they are.
I work hard. I deserve this. I’m an adult. Life is short. I should be able to enjoy myself.
Those thoughts can feel completely reasonable. But are they helping you make a conscious choice, or simply giving you permission to keep repeating something you are no longer entirely happy with?
That is where the real conflict often sits. Part of you wants the comfort, pleasure or ease of the habit. Another part wants something different for yourself.
So ask: What am I protecting by staying the same, and what might I be missing by not changing?
You do not have to give up everything you enjoy. But it may be worth asking whether the habit still fits with how you want to feel, look and live.
3. What will happen if nothing changes?
Really ask yourself: What will happen if nothing changes? Sit with that for a moment and think beyond tomorrow or next week.
How will you feel about this habit six months from now? A year from now? If the same pattern continues, will it leave you feeling more drained, frustrated or disappointed by what it is taking from you?
Breaking a cycle can be deeply psychological. Habits become tangled up with stress, comfort, routine, reward and the way we respond when life feels difficult. That is why knowing what you should do does not automatically make doing it easy.
But change does not always begin with a dramatic decision. Sometimes it starts with noticing the pattern more clearly, questioning a response that has become automatic, or doing one thing differently enough to create a little distance from the old routine.
That small amount of light can matter. Once you can see the pattern, you are no longer simply repeating it without question.
And sometimes that is enough to begin moving in a different direction.
The Bottom Line
Change is not only about giving something up. It can also be about what you get back.
Maybe you want to walk into a Thanksgiving or Christmas party feeling sharper, more confident and more like yourself. Maybe you have a high school reunion coming up, want your clothes to feel better, or are simply fed up with what you see in the mirror.
Those things may sound superficial beside long-term health, but they still matter. Sometimes a visible or immediate reward is exactly what helps a bigger change feel real.
So instead of focusing only on what you might have to give up, think about what making a change could give you in return.
Research also suggests that spending less time on social media can have a positive effect on mental health. Sometimes stepping away from the constant stream of other people’s lives gives you a little more space to notice your own. (Pubmed)
Change gives you the chance to interrupt that cycle and put your attention back on what matters to you.
